These past few days have been hard, really hard.
I just found out that my grandad’s got cancer in one lung and emphacema in the other. I wondered earlier why there’d been a coupla missed calls on my phone from home but B2′d been texting me so I just assumed they were from him and didn’t bother phoning back. Dad sent me a text to tell me they’d had some more news so I phoned back. He sounded so upset. We’re all gonna go up to Anna’s on Sunday and someone will bring Nan and Grandad over. I don’t think he knows yet, but no-one’s said so either. No-one’s mentioned how long he’s got. No-one said what sort of a state he’s in, how Nan’s doing, what else is happening. He’s gotta got back to the hospital on Monday.
I guess me and Y had our first domestic last night. It was horrible. I think the two of us spent the majority of the evening in an absolute state, yet still hanging onto each other like we couldn’t let go.
I can still smell the salt in his hair as he tried to fall asleep on my shoulder.
I hated getting in at work today. The first thing Carol said to me was a criticism without knowing the facts behind the situation. She moaned that my counter was a mess. Had she bothered to ask why, that I left it in the best possible state on Monday and that Alan and Nick did so very little that afternoon, then yesterday I busted a gut to try and get as much cleared as was humanly possible yet Nick still left so much of the work undone, lying around on the counter, maybe she wouldn’t have been so harsh. There are times when I think she doesn’t care thought, that it should all be down to me to fix in those short mornings that I’m there.
We were walking back from the Chinese earlier and I commented that it was cool they used the good packaging for our food, the type that you could put in the dishwasher and use over and over again. He said that it saved buying Tupperware.
It reminded me of the Tupperware parties Ann, Rachel’s mum, used to do. I was explaining the concept and said that it was just like an Ann Summers’ party, only probably not as much fun. It’s hard to get excited over Tupperware, however, you can get excited over underwear, vibrators, blindfolds and handcuffs.
I remember when I was a kid. We used to spend the weekend up with my Nan and Grandad. We’d eat lunch over the grand prix, or the football, or some other sport. We’d walk around the garden. In the summer our roof boot would be on the lawn, taken off the car on the journey from our summer holiday. We’d look in the greenhouse and play hide ‘n’ seek around it. Grandad would always keep the lawn short, immaculate. In the afternoon our cousins would come over, M and S bringing which ever was their latest boyfriend. C never brought any girls over though. Nan would do a huge tea. There’d be potato salad, pork in breadcrumbs with fried onion on the top. All sorts. After everyone else had gone home me and B1 would sit roasting in front of the fire, with the butter on a plate next to us, at Nan and Grandad’s feet.
Me and B1 always shared the two single beds in the spare room. shared because they were always pushed right up next to each other and covered with a huge sheet to make them one. Nan would sit and look at the jewellery in the Argos catloguye with us. Mum and Dad always took Nan and Grandad’s bed and when B2 came along he would sleep in his travel cot at the foot of the bed. Nan and Grandad would sleep in the living room.
They’d always be up by the time we woke and would help us look under our pillows for the money the fairies always left. It was only when I got a bit older that I realised it was them who were the fairies.
Nan would make me marmite on toast and cut it into soldiers and after I’d eaten that I’d get dressed and walk down to the shop with Grandad to get the Mirror. Then I only ever looked at the pictures, making Grandad hurry up so I could get to the next page. In later years, when we only ever went up for the day, I still read the Mirror. If ever I buy a tabloid now, it’s the Mirror I buy. I guess old habits die hard.
